When Is It OK to criticize?

January 31, 2012 | by Jason Isaacs | Category: Personal Growth,

We all have opinions. What’s crazy is how many times we have strong opinions after very little thought or processing. After spending a few minutes thinking about something, or maybe having one conversation, we are ready to pick a side, stand our ground, or attack. In a matter of seconds sometimes we are ready to begin criticizing someone or something, sure that we are right, and convinced that others who don’t see it our way need to be confronted. Opinions aren’t bad or wrong, but what we do with them can be. 

I thought I would give you a working list that my wife Andrea and I have about sharing our opinions and criticisms with other people. Sometimes those opinions can be in matters of grave consequence, such as someone making decisions that could ruin their life, other times it’s meaningless opinions about where the couch should go in the living room. In either scenario, as our opinions begin to lead to criticism we try and use this filter to decide whether we should share them or not.

In full disclosure, we don’t filter ourselves when we watch American Idol. We’re pretty ruthless

1. How bad do I want to say it?
We have a saying in our house, “If you really want to say it you shouldn’t, and if you really don’t want to say it you probably need to.” Everyone knows the feeling of having a great “one liner” or comeback in a conversation. In those moments when we know we’ve got “a good one” and we can’t wait to say it, we need to bite our tongues because our hearts are not in the right place. We also know the feeling of needing to say or confront something, but it's going to be uncomfortable and maybe even cause some pain and tension in a relationship, but to much is at stake not to say something. In those times, as bad as we don't want to, we have to speak up.

2. Could I be wrong?
Is there a chance I’m not seeing something from the right perspective. Do I have all the facts? Did I get my information from someone who had a bias? Not all the time, but a lot of times one piece of information you are missing could change your whole outlook on the situation. Something I've learned as an adult is whenever I get my information from someone else besides the main person involved, it almost always have some type of faultly or missing information. Drawing conclusions from second hand information is never a good idea.

3. Am I willing to help?
Talk is cheap, but help is hard to find. Do I believe in what I’m saying enough to back it up with my time and energy, and help fix the situation?  Another way to think about it is, if I had to pay money to share this opinion, how much would I be willing to pay to say it? The answer is usually nothing. We are just moved in the short term, but don’t have any interest in the long-term results. Why is it that the guy standing in the moving truck handing out the boxes always has the opinion about where the furniture should go?

4. Will it fix anything?
Can the person I'm sharing my crtisicm with do anything to fix the problem? In my experience, we tend to feel comfortable talking to people who can't do anything to fix it, and dodge confronting the person who could change it. This is true especially when we use mediums such as social networks or blogs. One on one conversations is always more effective than public rants through the internet. If you you're as passionate about the topic as your tone is indicating, you would think you would want to address the issue to someone who could fix it.

About the author
Jason is the Teaching Pastor at River City Worship Center in Louisville KY, and owns a web development company Jbirdmedia. He wanted all boys until he had his daughter Sadie and now he wants 4 girls. You can follow him on twitter @jasonisaacs